The Lights and Buzz
by Belle Vita
Summary: Jack's in a bar on Christmas Eve, very drunk and feeling sorry for himself. Two people try to change that. Written as part of the Lost Secret Santa Fic Exchange for Green Tree Frog.
1. Chapter 1

This ended up turning into two parts- the second of which I've almost finished (and is much more Christmas-y than this part), so look out for that too, if you like this one! Although this is technically for Green Tree Frog in the Christmas Fic Exchange, I hope everyone else will enjoy it. And also wanted to mention that the title was taken from a Jack's Mannequin song of the same name that seemed awfully appropriate! Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate!) everyone!

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Part 1

Jack hadn't been much good at following through lately.

He sat in the near-empty bar on Christmas Eve, watching the neon signs that hung on the walls morph and stretch through the amber liquid in his glass as he tilted it back to his mouth. It stung as it hit the back of his throat; his eyes watered as he attempted to finish the contents.

He wasn't sure why he was here. His life, although not perfect, was actually much better than it had been. He'd talked to Kate lately, stopped taking those godforsaken pills and had even shaved off his beard to please the many who requested it. But he was still in a bar, on Christmas Eve- by himself, and that said plenty.

His poor mother, he thought as he caught the attention of the bartender and ordered another scotch. She'd invited him over for Christmas Eve dinner, but he couldn't bear the thought of it just being the two of them. Perhaps Jack had never let his father know it when he was still alive, but he brought a certain presence to the family that just couldn't be replaced. And when his mother called him on the phone to ask him over for dinner, he lied and said yes, of course he'd come.

"Celebrating or preparing for tomorrow?" the bartender joked with him. Jack grinned slightly and shook his head.

"Neither."

Though he thought he was putting forth a fairly obvious front, the bartender kept talking. "You've been here a lot lately," the man mentioned as he dried a tray of tumblers.

Jack cocked his eyebrows in defense.

"Not judging," he added. "Just curious."

He wasn't all that sure why he'd suddenly moved his drinking from the privacy of his home, where he was free to get as wasted as he wanted, to the spotlight of the bar.

"Change of scenery I guess," he replied, closing his eyes and taking in the sedative effects of the alcohol. It relaxed him, kept his mind off things for a few hours. The effect was invaluable at the moment.

The man in front of him put the glasses away, clinking them together loudly and reminding Jack of the set of tumblers his father always kept in his home office, next to the ever-present bottle of scotch. He grimaced at his choice of drink.

"What can I get you?" he heard the bartender ask.

His attention was diverted to two stools down on his left, to the man who was suddenly sitting there, appearing to be uncomfortable in such an environment. Jack shook his head. Somehow he could never escape, even when he tried his hardest to be invisible.

"Just a water," he hesitated.

Jack had to laugh. It _was _good to see him, even under the circumstances. "So what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Blame your mother, man. She called me when you didn't show up. Thought I might know where you are."

Jack took his phone out of his pocket and sighed, feeling very guilty when he saw the numerous missed calls, both from his mother and Hurley.

"So. Fess up, how'd you find me?" Jack laughed, in a good stage with his alcohol consumption, a surge of energy carrying through him, but he still felt oddly calm at the same time.

"Good to see you too," Hurley laughed, clapping his large hand over Jack's shoulder. "It's not so hard. This is the closest bar to your house."

Jack shook his head. "That easy, huh?"

"Well, that and the fact that you brought me here before," the man beside him laughed, and Jack joined in, recalling the night when Hurley had begun to sing karaoke, not noticing that the mic wasn't turned on.

"So what's up with you ditching your mom? Dude, that's not cool."

Jack hesitated- should he actually tell someone what he was feeling for once? Most other times opening himself up emotionally had backfired. Something inside him- perhaps the scotch, persuaded him to blurt out, "First real Christmas without my dad. Feels too weird."

Hurley waved him off. "Nah, I totally get it man. I know your old man… died and stuff," he said with regret, "but mine took off when I was young. It was always a bummer without him there, and especially around the holidays when all of that family crap is shoved in your face."

Jack laughed at his friend's attempt to raise his mood, but then he was struck with a thought- Where had his coping mechanism gone? He knew he wasn't the first person to deal with problems such as his, and knew almost for certain that there were better, more positive ways to deal. What about his resilience, his determination to be the best and do what's right?

Hurley assumed his friend's silence was a preview of what was to come if he stayed in the bar. "Well, whatever man. I know you don't feel like talking. But you should probably call your mom and let her know you're okay and everything."

Jack tried to apologize- he didn't mean to run him off like that, when he went out of his way to make sure he was okay. Jack was sure he'd done nothing recently to deserve it.

"It's okay, man. I've got a family of my own to get back to. See ya around dude."

He sat with his forehead in his hand, setting the next empty glass onto the solid oak bar below him. "'Nother?" the bartender asked.

"What do you think?" Jack replied sarcastically. He gulped down the next drink, knowing that a few more would send him completely over the edge.

Twenty minutes later he finally had the courage to call his mother, not drunk enough to slur his words in their short conversation. He knew that he'd have to face her tomorrow anyway. He'd deal with it then.

"Funny who you'll run into here," he heard after he'd snapped his phone shut, and he spun around, slightly wobbly on his barstool. "Hurley," she deadpanned, correctly reading the confusion on his face.

He was admittedly perplexed why Kate would be here on a night like this, with Aaron at home.

"What're you doing here?" he asked, even though he was happy to see her and that she wasn't so angry with him anymore. She still cared.

She sat down on the stool next to him. "Got a little tip that someone is feeling sorry for himself," she said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind one ear and becoming a little apprehensive of the situation.

"Fair enough." He caught her eye for a moment longer than either was really comfortable with, then let out an awkward half-laugh.

"You look beautiful," he complimented her, surveying her dark green silky shirt and jeans that fit her perfectly. "I like your hair like that," he added, clumsily grabbing at a curling tendril with his free hand.

"You're drunk," she said almost sadly.

He shook off the comment. "Where's Aaron?"

Kate coughed a small laugh into her hand. "Hurley's watching him, but he's sleeping anyway. He exhausted himself waiting for Santa to come," she explained, smiling at the little boy's behavior.

"I have some presents, if you'll, uh, let me give them to him," he managed to stutter out, his head swirling from the liquor. "Had the lady at the… the store… wrap them…"

"Of course you can give them to him. He'll love them. And he'll love seeing you. What do you say we get you outta here though?" she asked with patience; much more than he was deserving of, he thought.

"I'm off the pills," he said suddenly, not daring to look into her eyes. He wasn't sure if he didn't want to see the doubt in them again, or if he didn't want to remind himself of the woman he had managed to lose. "Off them. Sick of them."

Even in his drunken state, she found his honesty cute, and clutched his hand across the bar. "I know," she said reassuringly. "I can tell."

He found the words safe enough, and looked into her eyes, where he saw honesty, and maybe something more.

"I've still got a few bad habits to kick though, you know that," he said as seriously as he could muster. He was becoming silly drunk. "You know that…"

"I know that too."

The absolute faith she had regained shocked him. Was she implying what he thought she was?

"Why?" he asked simply, shaking his head, wanting to pinch himself in case he was dreaming this.

She seemed to know what he was asking and shrugged. "Because I miss you. And I believe in you, and us, and that we can get back to where we were- maybe even someplace better."

He nodded his head several times in agreement, quickly drinking the second glass of water the bartender had kindly set in front of him. "Me too," he managed. He'd hashed his heart out too many times to her to need to explain any more.

"You about ready to leave?"

"Yeah. I walked though… so don't… worry or anything. I really hate it when you worry about me. I really hate it," he repeated, more for his own benefit than hers.

She flashed him an oddly genuine smile and surprised him by leaning in a giving him a quick peck on the lips. His eyes remained closed, too surprised to open them, his eyelids seemingly too heavy to resist the temptation the darkness brought.

"Then stop giving me things to worry about," she said, running her hand over his stubbly cheek quickly.

She'd tried, over and over again, to stop thinking about the man in front of her. But when things were good, she was the happiest she'd ever been, and she believed he was too. They could get back to that. She loved him, forever.

She helped him stand and paid the bill, then settled him on his feet, letting him adjust to the head rush it had brought on, seeing that he was more drunk on his feet than he was on the stool.

"What're you doing?" he asked once they'd gotten outside, as she tried to shove him in the passenger side of her car, his large frame not helping with his already present clumsy movements. Finally she succeeded, leaning over him to fasten the seat belt, smiling when he wrapped his arms around her outstretched body and nuzzled his head sloppily into her side.

"You have six or seven hours to sleep this off," she warned him, "and I'll make sure to wake you up with lots of coffee and a good breakfast. But you're gonna be there in the morning when Aaron wakes up. "

"Yes m'am," he laughed boyishly, then slumped back into the seat, falling asleep almost immediately.

"And every morning after that," she added as she concentrated on the road and the passing cars, praying to God it was true.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for your reviews on the first part. I'm glad you all enjoyed it! Here's the second and final part, just in time for Christmas. Have a good one :)

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Part 2

He woke the next morning to the prodding of a tiny set of fingers. He groaned. His head was pounding and he wanted to sleep for another few hours, but otherwise he felt alright.

"Up!" Aaron yelled and broke into giggles, climbing up and onto the bed with help from Kate. "Daddy up! Chwistmas!"

The sound of Aaron calling him 'daddy' startled him awake, but Kate didn't seem to find this out of the ordinary. He'd gotten used to the idea when he lived with the two, but the thought that even after months the little boy still thought of him as his father was surprising.

"I made him wait until 7:30," she said with a wince and a knowing smile, sitting down next to him on an empty spot of the bed.

Kate seemed unsure of how to handle herself- after all, it'd been quite some time since they'd all been together like this. Jack had visited a few times, but was treated more like a guest, and both he and Kate were sure Aaron had been able to pick up on the tension between them.

"Hey buddy," Jack said, letting the little boy climb all over him, then wrapped his arms around him for a brief hug. Aaron eventually settled on his chest.

"Presents!" he shrieked, then began to bounce up and down. "Presents!" He beat his fists on Jack's chest.

He shot a look to Kate that said help! and sat up, finding out that a three year old was just as good of a cure for a hangover as anything else he'd tried.

Kate laughed and pulled the squirming child from Jack's chest. She watched him rise slowly from the bed and stretch. It wasn't hard to see that he didn't know what to do with himself. This hadn't been his home for months.

She had been mulling over her decision to bring Jack home with her last night for the past few hours, waking early in the morning, even before an excited Aaron had come to rouse her out of bed. She had watched Jack sleeping so soundly next to her and thought that there was absolutely no reason to trust that he was serious about recovering, or that she hadn't just hurt herself and Aaron even more if he decided to take off again.

But maybe it was this unyielding faith- some would call it stupidity- that kept bringing them back together. Maybe they were meant to be, but were supposed to fight like hell to get there.

Aaron tore down the hallway and the stairs, but not before each of them had yelled out a warning of "Careful!"

She pushed Jack into the bathroom jokingly, grabbing him a clean washcloth from the linen closet and a spare toothbrush.

"You look like hell," she deadpanned, leaning against the bathroom wall and meeting his irritated, yet amused glance in the mirror.

He ran the water cold and splashed his face with it, hoping that it would help him wake up. He was sure that he'd never reach the level of excitement that Aaron currently had, but figured that it was reserved for those under the age of ten anyway.

"So," Kate started, surveying his appearance. Maybe she wanted too badly to see it, but she thought some traces of the old Jack were beginning to peak through. She loved the way his hair was mussed in the morning before he took a shower, when his guard was down most, and the boyish grin she'd grown so used to waking up next to every day.

"I don't have anything for him," Jack said. "His presents are at my place."

"He'll understand," Kate offered. "Besides, he won't notice that anything's missing now that you're here."

He smiled. It was nice to hear that he was missed. "I guess I'll give them to him a little later. Let him get this excited for two days in a row."

Jack grabbed the toothpaste from the counter and squirted some on the loaned brush, ridding his mouth of last night's liquor.

"I don't want to get into this too much, Jack, because it's Christmas and all," Kate started, watching him brush his teeth, thankful that she couldn't be interrupted, "but there are certain things that I expect from you if you're going to be around here and if you want to be part of this family again."

Jack hadn't expected to be forgiven so easily, and definitely hadn't thought he would be welcomed back into Kate's home so quickly. After all he'd done…

He spit the toothpaste out and wiped his mouth, thinking back to the night before, trying to get past the haze of it all.

"I don't know exactly what I said to you last night… but I really want to turn this around," he stressed. "And I'm sick of being reminded every day how miserable I am without you, so I'll do whatever you want me to do," he said, turning around and taking a step towards her. "I want this to work."

Kate raised her eyebrows at him, surprised at the ease of his words. "You'll even get some help?"

Though he didn't look happy about it, Jack sighed and nodded, imagining wasting his money sitting on a couch and talking to a shrink, or the AA meetings Kate would make him attend. "If you think that's what I need, then yes."

She smiled, suddenly elated that they were together on Christmas and things were looking up, that maybe this time would be different. He took a step towards her and settled his hands on her hips, testing it out. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him against her, standing on her tiptoes and breathing him in.

This was what he had missed, yet had tried so desperately to forget.

She pulled back and held his face in her hands, for what at first Jack thought was going to be sympathy. He was so tired of seeing that. No one should feel bad for him when he was the one who caused it all. He did it to himself.

Instead she kissed him, and properly, tasting the mint on his breath. But everything else- his soft lips, the scratch of stubble against her skin, his smell- was so _Jack. _She held his lips against hers for a long while, and then released him, rubbing her hands up and down his arms.

"What was that for?" Jack asked, a blush creeping to his cheeks.

She smiled coyly at him. "For coming back."

He leaned down and kissed her this time, deepening it and surprising her, tempted to take it further than time would allow them with a crazy three year old running around the house.

"What was _that _for?" she asked once he'd pulled away, her breath intensified and her cheeks rosy.

Jack leaned his forehead against hers and laced their hands together between them, more sure than ever that they were doing the right thing, that this time he wouldn't throw it all away.

"For bringing me back."

Their moment was interrupted by a loud crash below them. Kate sighed and rolled her eyes, and they made their way downstairs to see what the destruction had amounted to. She wanted to be mad when they found Aaron downstairs having already unwrapped a few of his gifts, but figured they'd kept him waiting so long that she should've expected it.

She saw him playing with the fire truck she'd picked out for him.

"Does he like trucks now?" Jack asked, watching the child run the truck all over the rug in the living room, wanting to cover his ears when he ran off the rug and onto the hardwood floor, the sound echoing through the room and encouraging his pounding headache.

"He likes anything that has an engine," Kate said with another roll of her eyes, grabbing the bottle of ibuprofen from the kitchen cabinet and handing a few to Jack.

Jack accepted the glass of water and swallowed the pills. "Well he won't be growing out of that anytime soon," he laughed.

"He's all boy, that's for sure," Kate agreed, sometimes wishing she had a little girl of her own just so she could buy girly toys and decorate a room in pink.

Satisfied that Aaron was busy and entertained with his new truck and wouldn't request to open any more gifts for another few minutes, Kate made breakfast and brewed coffee, immersed in how settled she felt now that Jack was back, even if there was a lot to talk about and a lot to rehash.

She laughed when Jack practically inhaled his breakfast and proceeded to raid the fridge; all of the alcohol he'd consumed the night before had left him with a stomach begging for food.

"Oh God," he groaned when he finished, but moved quickly on his feet and snatched her by the waist, pulling her to him and eliciting a yelp of surprise. He buried his head in her neck playfully, pressing a lingering kiss there and tickling her with his scratchy stubble.

She giggled as he continued to rub his face against her neck and collarbone, as his hand sneaked underneath the hem of her shirt and inched slightly upward, tickling the skin there, and Jack relished in the fact of how carefree she was in the moment, how her face lit up and her smile stretched wide. He could still make her happy.

"I love you," he breathed into her, pecking her on the lips and hugging her to him again. He had to make up for lost time, if that was even possible.

"I know," she whispered, trying to hold in her laughter. "I love you too."

They heard the unmistakable sound of paper tearing and yelled at Aaron to wait for them. He looked up with a guilty grin when they entered the room; Kate would've been mad if he hadn't managed to make it look so adorable.

"Which one do you want to open next?" Jack asked him, lowering himself to the floor where he could reach the presents tucked neatly beneath the tree.

Aaron pointed to a box wrapped in sparkling green paper and tied with a big red bow. Jack picked it up and read the label.

_To Aaron_

_From Daddy_

The little boy couldn't have noticed who it was from at the rate he tore the paper apart, and because he couldn't read, but Jack glanced at Kate, who had joined them on the floor.

"Cool!" Aaron exclaimed as he revealed a box of legos with a picture depicting an island with a large volcano perched on it, palm trees included. The lego people were dressed in as tattered of clothing as the plastic allowed.

Besides the fact that the gift was full of incredible irony, Jack was touched. Kate _hadn't_ been actively seeking to make Aaron forget him as she had every right to do. If anything, she'd encouraged his presence in their lives even when he wasn't even there to deserve it.

The legos were soon dumped across the floor, and Jack could picture himself finding one of the sharp little pieces by stepping on it.

"That's from your daddy," she told Aaron, setting her hand on top of Jack's and meeting his eyes. "What do you say?" Kate warned him.

Aaron tore his attention away from his new toys for long enough to say "tanks daddy," then resumed play.

Soon they'd finished watching Aaron open his gifts, and after a few hours he'd exhausted himself enough to fall asleep face down on the carpet, still clutching a recently acquired matchbox car in his tiny fist.

"He's changed a lot," Jack said, sad that he'd missed some formative months in the child's life. He could see a personality peaking through, his vocabulary expanding, and somehow he'd missed most of the road there.

The fact that Jack regretted the decisions he'd made wasn't news to Kate, but she wouldn't allow him to wallow in his guilt so much that he would miss out on new opportunities.

"He has," she agreed, then changing her tone to more serious, "you have too."

"I hope so."

It was natural, at least Kate thought, for him to have some doubts. Addiction was often a long and tough battle, but she was certain Jack knew the consequences, and that his life was much better when it included her and Aaron. _Her _life, without question, was better with him in it.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you," he said seriously, opening his arms when she crawled toward him on the couch and settled against his front, resting her head on his chest. "I didn't think you'd take it, to be honest," he laughed quietly.

"I don't need anything more," she said sweetly, turning slightly to look up at him. "You're enough."

"But I don't have anything for you either," she admitted. "So it's fair." She turned in his arms and laid her chin on the center of his chest, wrapping her arms behind him.

Despite her claim, in the past few months hardly anything had been fair for her. There was nothing he could say to tell her how thankful he was for a second chance when he'd screwed up so badly the first time.

"That's okay," he assured her, leaning forward to brush the stray hair from her cheek, kissing her softly. He motioned to the sleeping Aaron on the floor near the tree. "The two of you are plenty."


End file.
